Confessions of a Tortured Soul

By Flossy

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fan fiction, and as such is for fan enjoyment only. All recognizable characters/settings are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is made.  I’ve only borrowed them and I am NOT promising to put them back when I’ve finished playing with them…

Summary: When an off-world mission goes horribly wrong, it’s McKay who suffers the consequences.  With hostiles closing in and help a long way away, John has to care for his team-mate.

Central Character(s): John, Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, Carson.

Category (ies): Drama, Angst, H/C, friendship

Placement: Season Two, sometime after ‘Critical Mass’.

Rating: +15 for cussing (c’mon, you know who I’m talking about), brutality, blood…  Like most of my fics then!

Spoilers: ‘Underground’, ‘Trinity’, ‘Redemption’. 

A/N: This is for Terri who wanted a birthday fic with lots of Rodney whump and angst!  Hope you like it, my dear!  As usual, I want to remind you all that I have never been and will never be a medic, so any and all mistakes should be either ignored or brushed under the carpet.  (Unless there’s something glaringly wrong that is.) 

One last note – Terri, I don’t know if this is what you had in mind when you let me adopt this plot bunny, but my militant badgers ran with the idea so I blame them.  (They like it when I’m beastly to Rodney, you see…)

Special thanks go to Moony, who did a lightning quick beta on this one – you rule, sugar!

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Chapter 1: Trade Negotiations

 

“So, remind me again why we’re here?”

Lt Col John Sheppard let out an exasperated sigh.  Leave it to Dr Rodney McKay to make even a simple mission difficult.  The man might well be the smartest guy in two galaxies and John’s best friend to boot, but he was still a pain in the ass.  “We’re here, Rodney, to establish a trade settlement with the locals.  You’re supposed to be on your best behaviour, remember?”

The Canadian shot an evil look back at John.  He recalled the meeting that they’d had earlier, back in Atlantis – the one in which both the kamikaze Colonel and Elizabeth had decided to talk to him like he was an unruly schoolboy.  All he’d done was ask why he had to go to the planet when there was nothing even remotely scientific about the place.  No Ancient technology, no hidden labs, absolutely nothing of any interest to him at all – Christ, the place was a backwater, primitive hellhole of the worst possible kind!  That one simple, perfectly innocent question and the pair of them had leapt down his throat as if he’d just told them he was a Trust operative.  Maybe next time, he would… just to see their reactions.  Purely for scientific purposes.

Even worse was the fact that Rodney knew that he was no good at negotiations.  He didn’t have the patience and tended to dislike ignorance and deceit.   More often than not, that usually resulted in him telling people that they were idiots who didn’t even possess the IQ of a kumquat – to their faces.  Not exactly the best way to start an alliance… 

“Yes, Colonel, I’m well aware of the conversation that took place,” he growled.  “And for the record, this bites.”

Dammit, he’s in one of his pissy moods again, thought John to himself.  Shaking his head, he thought for a moment before replying, “Look, all we want is to set up an agreement.  You know damn well we need the food so be a man and suck it up!”  Seeing that McKay looked suitably chastised, he jerked his head in the direction of the village.  “Shall we?”

He started to trek along the small gravel path that led away from the Gate and towards to the Gandarians’ main village.  McKay followed, grumpily fiddling with his life signs detector, muttering under his breath about the cornucopia of projects he’d had to leave.  Behind him, Teyla and Ronon simply exchanged a knowing and frustrated look and continued after their team-mates.

M4R-390 was not the most exciting of places that Team Sheppard had ever visited.  Thinking about it, John was always confused as to why all the planets seemed to look the same - trees, fields, rivers, mountains, more trees…  Just once, Sheppard thought to himself, just one damn time it’d be nice to go to a world that looks a bit different.  According to the font of knowledge that was SGA-1’s resident geek, it was because the atmospheres of the planets were similar to Earth or something.  Regardless of the reason, it drove the Colonel nuts.  On the bright side, however, it wasn’t raining.

And according to Teyla, the locals were a welcoming sort of bunch.  The Athosian had both traded and had dealings with their leader on several occasions, and as such, was going to be the one doing the negotiating.  That was fine and dandy with John – he couldn’t really picture Ronon or Rodney in a negotiation without laughing.  McKay would open his mouth and the whole world would go to hell in a hand basket, while the Satedan would probably end up shooting anyone who looked at him funny.  The last time John had tried it, they’d ended up offering C4 and nuclear bombs to an unstable, militant group with none-too-subtle plans for galactic domination.  No, after the Genii, Sheppard was never, ever going to negotiate again. 

At least not for food.

He came to a halt as the team were met by a young man. 

“Greetings, friends!” he called, smiling at them.  “Gandaria bids you welcome and safe passage.  My name is Eren and I...”  He stopped as he studied the group closely, then his smile split into a huge grin.  “By the moons!  Teyla!”

Teyla returned his grin with a dazzling one of her own.  “It is good to see you again, Eren,” she said, clasping the boy’s hands in her own.  “It has been far too long.  Look at you!  You were just a child when I saw you last!”

Eren looked slightly embarrassed.  “It has been many cycles,” he agreed, “but you are just the same as I remember.”

Sheppard and McKay shared an amused look as Teyla blushed. 

“Allow me to introduce my friends.  This is Lt Col John Sheppard, Dr Rodney McKay and Specialist Ronon Dex.”  As she spoke, the boys all raised a hand in greeting. 

“Welcome to you.  Come.  The Chancellor is expecting you.”  Eren turned on his heels and led them into the village, linking arms with Teyla as he regaled her with tales.

John estimated that they’d walked for about a mile and a half before they finally approached the settlement.  It had been a pleasant enough trip – the sun was warm, verging on uncomfortable, but there was a cool breeze and a scent similar to Lavender permeated the air.  Even McKay hadn’t complained about anything (not even his numerous allergies), choosing instead to talk to their guide or play with his scanner. 

But despite the relaxing atmosphere, Sheppard felt tense.  His instincts were telling him that regardless of the peaceful appearances, something wasn’t right.  As they reached their destination, the feeling intensified.

Expecting only a few dozen at most, the boys were surprised by the sheer number of people occupying the small settlement.  Men, women and children of all ages were milling about, trading goods from market type stalls, drinking at what appeared to be a tavern, or simply catching up with local gossip.  There were so many people that Rodney came close to being swamped – luckily, Ronon caught hold of the physicist’s collar to stop him from being enveloped in the crowd. 

Sheppard counted at least fifty in the first couple of minutes alone and his unease grew.  He turned to McKay and leant in close.  “How many life signs are you detecting?” he asked quietly.

Rodney, who was now hunched over the scanner, looked up at him in amazement.  “I’m registering at least a hundred in this section alone.”  Turning the small doohickey to show John, he pointed at the mass of blue dots crammed onto the tiny screen.  There were so many that it was difficult to make any one individual out and trying to do so made the Air Force man’s head hurt.  “And this is in a one hundred metre radius,” the physicist continued.  He glanced at Teyla, who was chatting animatedly with Eren just ahead of them.  “I thought she said the Gandarians were a small society?”

Sheppard shrugged.  “It has been a while,” he admitted.  “After all, she said the last time she visited was three or four years before we arrived.”

“Yes, but what about the Wraith?  They wouldn’t have just ignored this place, would they?”

“Doubtful,” Ronon muttered, eyeing the crowds warily.  “There are too many people here.”  He let out a grunt as they continued to fight their way through the masses.  “The Wraith wouldn’t let a population get this big.”

“Maybe,” agreed Rodney, “but isn’t it true that sometimes they leave their feeding grounds for several centuries?  You know, to let the…livestock…” he paused, grimacing as he said the word, “…multiply?”

Ronon shrugged.  “Sometimes.”

“But there’s a whole lotta hungry alien vampires awake at the moment,” John said.  “Somehow I don’t think that they’d let these people off the hook.  Too many mouths to feed, not enough food to go around, remember?”  He glanced around, taking in the appearance of the crowd.  “And I don’t think these people are refugees, either.”

“Could be a market,” Ronon supplied.  “There’s a few that I know of that draw a lot of people.”

“Possibly,” Sheppard conceded, “but there don’t appear to be that many stalls.  I’m guessing that these markets tend to have a lot?”

The ex-runner nodded.  “Yeah.  Normally there’s anywhere up to three or four hundred.  They’re held in bigger places than this too.”

“So you can see why this doesn’t make any sense,” McKay continued. 

“What about something technological?” John suggested.

McKay shook his head.  “No, nothing like that.  There’s no sign of anything that could be a shield or weapon.  They clearly aren’t a technologically advanced people and I would have picked up any energy readings by now.”

“Could there be a hidden Ancient lab nearby or something?” asked the Colonel.  “We’ve seen that before.  They might not even know it’s here.”

“Already considered that,” the Canadian replied.  “Like I said: no energy readings.  Even if it was dormant, I’d still be able to pick up something.”  He fiddled with the LSD, changing its settings before turning it back around.  “See?”  He pointed to the blank screen.  “Nothing.”

Sheppard’s eyes narrowed as he thought over the implications.  “Then that begs the question…”

“How the hell have they managed to avoid the cullings?” Rodney completed.  “Truthfully, I have no idea whatsoever.”  He pointed to the landscape, his frown deepening.  “Look over there.  Notice that?” 

“There’s nothing there, McKay,” Ronon replied as he scanned the hills and woodlands surrounding the settlement.

“Exactly.  There’s no evidence of any kind of cave network, or for that matter, underground structures, no real cover of any kind save for all the trees...  Geographically speaking, these people have nowhere to hide.”

Sheppard nodded.  Over the last year and a half, he had learned that it paid to listen to the physicist on certain subjects.  “I think we may have a little chat with the Chancellor about that,” he said.

“Teyla!” a voice boomed.

The Athosian spun around, beaming as she saw the voice’s owner.  “Chancellor Yerdin!”

In front of them was a huge man, as tall as Ronon and probably as wide, grinning as if he’d met up with a long lost relative.  “It is good to see you, my dear!”

Teyla gave the man a quick hug and then turned back to her team-mates.  “Allow me to present Chancellor Yerdin,” she said.  “These are the friends I spoke of.  The ones who wish to trade.”

Yerdin clapped his hands together.  “We welcome any and all trade,” he replied.  “You must be weary from your trek.  Come inside!”

As they were led through to an official looking room, introductions were made and pretty soon, events had turned to the business in hand.

They were all seated around a long table on top of which were a variety of exotic looking foods.  Ronon, John and Teyla had all tried the samples, but Rodney had declined.  Quite politely too, John noted with a grin.  The Chancellor had looked slightly affronted by the scientist’s actions, but once Teyla had explained in layman’s terms about citrus-induced anaphylactic shock, he had smiled at Rodney and begged forgiveness.  McKay had again shocked Sheppard with the lack of any acerbic comment – he had simply smiled and dismissed the episode good-naturedly.

“Before we start, Chancellor, I’d like to ask you a question if I may,” said Sheppard. 

“Of course,” Yerdin replied, smiling good-naturedly.  “If we are to trade, there must be no secrets between us.”

John took a deep breath.  Here goes nothing…  “Uh, we were wondering whether you’ve had any problems with the Wraith at all.”

Yerdin’s face was unreadable, but Sheppard noticed that he visibly stiffened.  “No,” he replied.  “They do not trouble us.”

“I’d hardly call them a ‘trouble’,” Ronon grunted.

“Any idea as to why?” asked Rodney hurriedly, scowling at his team-mate.  “I mean, you have such a large population and no visible means of defence…”  He received a quick kick to the ankle under the table from John and realised that he’d said the wrong thing.  “No offence intended or anything,” he added hastily.

“The Wraith have not visited us for many moons,” the Chancellor stated.  “They have chosen to leave us alone and we are thankful for that.”  He frowned at the Atlanteans.  “We do not question, merely accept the gift that our Gods have chosen to bestow upon us.”

“Of course,” said Sheppard, not liking Yerdin’s tone of voice. 

“What my friends are trying to say is that they did not mean to anger you or the Gods,” Teyla replied smoothly.  “They are a curious people and unaware of your people’s customs.”

That seemed to be all the explanation needed to satisfy the man and soon, he and Teyla were discussing the finer points of the trade.

Elizabeth had sent them to gain a portion of the Gandarians’ crops in exchange for medical supplies and training.  From what John could tell, the negotiation seemed to be going pretty well – in fact, in a little over twenty minutes, both Yerdin and Teyla were smiling and shaking hands.

Job done then.

The team rose from their seats.  “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you, Chancellor,” Sheppard said with a smile and a head nod.

“The pleasure has been all mine, Colonel Sheppard.  Please, won’t you stay for a while?  My aides are preparing the afternoon meal and there is more than enough for you all.  It has been so long since we have had guests.”

If John had been listening to the small voice in the back of his head that was yelling for him to run like hell, he would have been spared an incredible amount of pain.  Instead, he pushed it to one side, looked at his team and shrugged.  He was just being paranoid.  What harm could it do?  Besides, he reasoned with himself, the food they’d tried was a hell of a lot tastier than the MREs in their backpacks.  Sharing a look with his team-mates, he slowly nodded.  “Sure.  Why not?  We’re not due back for a while anyway.”

Yerdin grinned at them.  “Excellent!”  He gestured to one of his aides.  “Beya, please show our friends to the guest rooms and be sure to inform Tullo down in the kitchens of Dr McKay’s requirements.” 

“Hope we’re not putting you to too much trouble,” John told him.

“Not at all!  Please, make yourselves comfortable.”

As the team trooped out of the room, the Chancellor turned to a young woman who stood behind him.  As soon as he was confident that they were out of earshot, his smile fell and an icy expression took its place.  He nodded to her.  “Contact Tarin.  Tell him that our guests have what he requires.”

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 2: Ambush

 

“McKay, move your ass!”

At Sheppard’s cry, McKay increased his pace, desperately trying to keep up with the Colonel.  He was considerably fitter than when he’d first joined the team – after all, running for your life every other mission tended to help you lose weight, and being forced into a regular training routine meant that the softness had been replaced by muscle. 

But Rodney simply didn’t have the natural speed that the American possessed. 

He weaved his unsteady way through the forest, clutching his P-90 close to his chest, desperately trying not to fall or trip.  Unfortunately, he failed to register the overgrown root that snaked its way across the path in front of him and Rodney found himself crashing to the ground with a startled yelp.  He landed awkwardly on his knees and was rewarded with a burst of pain through the left one.  Staggering to his feet, he ignored the painful protests that were coming from his abused ligaments and limped towards Sheppard.

Turning at the sound of the scientist’s yell, John had seen Rodney fall and cursed under his breath before running back to help his team-mate.  Catching up with McKay, he wrapped an arm around the man’s waist and practically dragged him along.  Despite his efforts, their pace had slowed to almost a crawl – the Canadian could barely walk, let alone run.

“You should leave me,” McKay whimpered.  “I’m slowing you down.”

“Shut up, Rodney.”

“I mean it, Sheppard!  What good will it be if those lunatics catch both of us?!”  He sucked in a lungful of air, trying to focus on something other than the white hot pain running through his leg.  “Look, if they capture me, a scenario which I can assure you is becoming more likely by the second, then it should buy you some more time.  After all, we both know that you’ll be able to mount some sort of rescue…”

“I said shut up!”

They continued to stagger onwards, hoping that Teyla and Ronon were having better luck than them.  At times, John believed that his team was jinxed – it seemed like they were constantly avoiding explosions, running for their lives from the Wraith/hostile natives/monsters/killer robots, or generally being injured.  He was amazed that Elizabeth still let them go off-world.  The pilot often wondered if it was a simple matter of fate and/or bad luck, or if the Pegasus Galaxy really was out to get them.  It certainly felt that way.

The ambush had been completely unexpected – the trade negotiations had been completed and they were heading back to the Gate, eager to tell Elizabeth the good news, when suddenly a group of men had appeared with guns...

 

___________________________________________________________________________

 

“Don’t move,” one of the men growled, his voice low and dangerous as he held a gun to the back of McKay’s head.  The physicist froze, his eyes wide as they darted between his team-mates.

“Not a problem,” he squeaked.

“Hey, now, that’s a bit forward, don’t you think?” John asked, eyeing the gunman with something akin to rage.  “He doesn’t even know your name.  The least you could do is buy him a drink first.”  As he spoke, he took a quick head count and made six.  Three against six – not a brilliant set of odds, but one that was within the realms of possibility.  He just had to distract them first.

He just prayed that there weren’t any others hiding in the undergrowth.

“Shut up or he’s dead.”  To illustrate his point, the man released the safety on his weapon and pushed it even harder against Rodney’s head.

“Colonel,” the scientist hissed.

“I said shut up.”  He wrapped an arm around Rodney’s throat and squeezed slightly.

“Shutting up,” McKay replied weakly.

”You and him coming with us,” the man told John. 

“That’s a great invitation, but I kinda like it here,” Sheppard quipped.  “Nice scenery, pleasant weather…”  As he spoke he managed to subtly gesture to Teyla and Ronon, using hand signals to indicate that they were to lay down cover fire on his command.  He saw them agree and continued, “You should understand that we don’t like it when people try to kidnap members of our team.”

“You do not have a choice in the matter.  You will come with us or the others will shoot your friends.”  He tightened his grip on Rodney’s throat, causing the scientist to gag slightly.

“Now that won’t do anything but piss me off,” the Air Force man replied, his voice hardening at the threat.  “We said no and we meant it.  Tell you what though,” he smiled humourlessly, “let my friend go or else.”

The man laughed.  “You are in no position to make demands.”

“That’s what you think.”  He gave the signal and the air erupted with the sound of gunfire.  Startled, the man released his hold on Rodney, who fell to his knees coughing.  John moved quickly and kneed the man hard in the groin.  With a whimper, Rodney’s attacker folded up.

“Run!” Sheppard yelled as he grabbed hold of McKay’s arm and tugged.

“What about the others?”

“They’ll catch up with us.  C’mon, Rodney, move it!”

“What the hell is wrong with this galaxy?” the Canadian demanded as they pelted through the undergrowth.

“Less talking, more running,” John hissed, pulling harder at his friend’s arm.  As the sounds of the fire fight grew fainter, he allowed them to slow down a little and eventually stop, pausing briefly to check his P-90.  Rodney tugged out his Ancient scanner and fiddled with it for a moment.  His eyes widened as he analysed what the display was showing.

“Oh my God…”

“McKay?”  Sheppard turned back to him.

“There are too many of them,” he hissed.

“What?”  John took a peek at the doohickey and let out a curse.

“I don’t understand it…”  Rodney’s already quiet voice trailed off for a moment as the realisation hit home hard – they were surrounded with nowhere to go.  “We’re so dead,” he whispered. 

His gut clenching tightly, Sheppard grabbed hold of his geek and dragged him off again.

Their team-mates soon caught up with them and as they took cover under some of the denser foliage, Ronon told them what he knew. 

“We need to get out of here,” he growled.  “There are at least ten of them that I saw, but...” he trailed off, indicating that the number of bad guys could well be higher.

Sheppard quirked up an eyebrow at that – Ronon didn’t normally worry about numbers.  “Great!” he growled, scrubbing furiously at his unruly hair.  “My day just keeps getting better.”

“They must have been tipped off by someone back at the village,” Rodney replied.

A cold chill crept up John’s back as his mind suddenly decided to connect the proverbial dots.  “You don’t think…”

McKay turned to his team-mate, his eyes wide with fear as he also came to the unpleasant realisation.  “The Chancellor did seem really keen for us to stay…”

“No!” Teyla cried.  “I do not believe it!  I have known these people for many years!”

“People change, Teyla,” Ronon said softly.  “Sometimes, not for the better.”

The Athosian looked as if her world had been turned upside down.  “But they are like family.  I…”

“Look, whatever the reason, we’ve gotta get out of here as fast as possible,” Sheppard interjected.  “What did you manage to find out?”

“They appear to know this territory better than we do,” Teyla explained, her voice strained.  “And with the sheer number of them, it would be impossible to fight them and win.  I believe that we should create some sort of distraction.”

“Agreed,” replied Sheppard.  “You two see if you can thin their numbers a bit.  And if you manage to get to the Gate before us, go ahead and grab Lorne and as many marines as Atlantis can spare.”  He grimaced.  “I gotta feeling we might need them.”

They nodded.  “Meet you in the clearing,” Ronon grunted.

“What about us?” McKay asked quietly. 

“We’ll head back to the Gate, see if we can’t get some reinforcements.”

As Teyla and Ronon ran off, firing shots, McKay and Sheppard fled towards the Gate…

___________________________________________________________________________

…That had been nearly twenty minutes ago, and they hadn’t seen any sign of their team-mates.  Even more worryingly, they hadn’t heard anymore gunfire.

“Colonel…” 

Sheppard looked at McKay anxiously.  The man was pale and shaking, and his voice was little more than a ragged whisper.  John could see the pain etched on his friend’s face and hated himself for making the scientist run.  “C’mon, Rodney,” he encouraged.  “It’s just a bit further.”

Rodney grimaced and gave a short, determined nod, breathing heavily. 

The terrain was gradually becoming easier and the two men managed to increase their pace once they were free of the obstructions on the ground.  Sheppard felt a sharp tug on his sleeve and looked across to see the physicist turn a worrying shade of green.

“Gotta stop,” he mumbled.  “Gonna be sick…”

John managed to ease him down just in time for Rodney to lose the small amount of food in his stomach.  After several tense minutes, the retching stopped and McKay gingerly attempted to stand.

Seeing the man sway alarmingly, Sheppard once again took hold of his friend’s waist.  “Better?” he asked.

“Yeah…”

“Okay.  C’mon.  We’ve gotta keep moving.”

They set off again.

“I meant… what I said… earlier,” Rodney managed to croak out in between gasps.

“We don’t leave people behind,” Sheppard growled.  “Or did you forget that?”

“You should… cut your losses…”

“I’ll cut something alright, Rodney, but it’ll be from your hide!  I am not leaving you!  Now shut up and move!”

“Look out!” McKay yelled suddenly as he caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye.

But the warning came too late.

Rodney felt himself wrenched out of his friend’s grip as John was tackled to the ground.  The Air Force man hit the floor hard, his head connecting solidly with a rock.  He gave a grunt and went still, out for the count.

McKay dragged his uncooperative body over to his team-mate.  “Sheppard?  C’mon, Sheppard, wake up,” he called, shaking the prostrate man’s arm.

John didn’t move.

The Canadian cursed under his breath as the man who had attacked them grabbed the back of his collar and heaved him up painfully.  He winced as he caught a whiff of the man’s breath and struggled vainly to free himself.

“Be still or I will snap you like a twig,” the man growled before dragging Rodney away from John and into the woods.

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 3: Nightmare

Rodney lost all sense of time as he was manhandled through the trees.  His attempts to leave marks for the others had worked well for a while – until his kidnapper had realised what he was doing.  The man had belted him hard across the face, splitting the scientist’s lip, and told him that any further attempts to escape would result in stronger punishment.

McKay didn’t like the sound of that, but refused to be put off.  Instead, he resorted to dragging his feet, cheering internally when he saw his boots leaving a barely noticeable line in the mud.  It wasn’t much, but he knew that Ronon would be able to follow them.  The man could track anything.

Eventually, his captor decided that he had put enough of a distance between them and John, and came to an abrupt halt.  He threw Rodney to the ground, smirking cruelly as the Canadian gave a whimper of pain.

“What do you want?” he managed to gasp.  “And who the hell are you?”

The man leered at him.  “My name is Tarin, Dr McKay.”

That sent a chill up Rodney’s spine.  “You know who I am?” he squeaked, trying to back away.

Tarin grinned.  “Yes.  And I know that you have the gift of the Ancestors.  You will fetch me a very good price at the markets.”  He paced around, his eyes never leaving his hostage.  “It is a pity that Colonel Sheppard could not be captured.  From what I have heard, his gift is stronger than yours and he would have given me a much higher pay out.  But no matter – I still have you.”

Fuck.

“Look, really, I don’t know who you are, or what you think I know, but you’ve got the wrong man,” Rodney babbled, trying to think of a way out.  “And seriously, you don’t really want to sell me.  I happen to be extremely high maintenance and I have a boatload of medical problems…” 

Tarin just laughed at his words, tilting his head to the side.  “That is not going to be a problem, Doctor.  The buyers at the markets are not fussy.”

Rodney knew that he was in no condition to make a run for it, but eyed his possible escape routes anyway.  It was then that situation ‘I’m-So-Screwed’ went critical.

Tarin saw what he was doing and kicked him hard in the stomach, making McKay curl up in agony.  He tried hard to be manly and breathe through the pain, but he’d never been a particularly stoic person.  A cry left him and he wanted to suck it back in.  He didn’t want the man in front of him to know just how much that had actually hurt.

“I warned you about trying to get away!” Tarin hissed, laughing at McKay’s obvious distress.  “You are an insolent man, but you will soon learn.” 

He advanced on Rodney.

___________________________________________________________________________

“Sheppard!”

John groaned and struggled to sit upright as he heard his name called.  Hands wrapped around his arms and tugged, pulling him upright.  Blinking away the dizziness, he saw Ronon and Teyla.  They both appeared to be unscathed save for a few small cuts and bruises.

“John?” the Athosian asked.  “Are you alright?  Where is Rodney?”

Sheppard looked around, his heart pounding almost as badly as his head was.  The last thing he remembered was the ground rushing up to meet him.  “I don’t know,” he muttered.  “He… someone attacked us.  They…  I hit my head.”  He rubbed gingerly at the back of his neck, wincing a little when he felt the knot near the base of his skull.  That was going to hurt like a bitch in the morning…

“They went this way,” Ronon said, pointing to the floor.  “Dude was dragging McKay.”

The Colonel’s gut clenched in fear – that meant that Rodney was either unconscious or… 

“C’mon,” the ex-runner called, already moving into the trees.

John felt a tug at his sleeve and turned to see Teyla.  “We will find him, John,” she said, seeming to sense his apprehension.  He could only nod a little, not wanting to voice his doubt.

As they set off after their team-mate, Sheppard’s thoughts took on a dark tone as he replayed the events that had led up to this over and over.  He tried to work out what they should have done differently.  Maybe they shouldn’t have split up.  Maybe they should have hidden somewhere and waited it out.

Or maybe he should have listened to that voice in his head and left when they’d had the chance.

John wasn’t normally one to wallow in self-pity but knew that if anything had happened to Rodney, it would be his fault… and the pilot knew that he’d never be able to forgive himself.

He became aware that Ronon had stopped.  The Satedan was looking at the ground intently, a smile slowly creeping up his face.

“What is it, big guy?” John asked, feeling a sudden burst of hope. 

“Little man’s alive,” Ronon replied, his eyes shining.  “Looks like he’s been putting up a fight too.”  He motioned to the scuffle marks in the mud and Sheppard felt his own lips quirking up. 

Good old Rodney!

“Which way?”

“North,” the ex-runner answered.  “McKay’s been leaving us a trail.”

“Can you track him?” Teyla asked.

“In my sleep,” Ronon replied. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Rodney screamed as Tarin stamped down hard on his hand.  Any attempt he made to fight was rewarded with more abuse.

Where the hell were the others?

McKay felt guilty about that particular thought, hoping that John was okay.  He hadn’t had time to check if the Air Force man was breathing or not, and sent up a plea to whoever was meant to be the patron saint of cocky pilots to look after the wild haired Colonel.

“Please… stop…” Rodney croaked, trying to curl up and away from the lunatic standing over him.

“Now why would I do that?” Tarin asked, genuinely confused. 

“You… you don’t want to sell… damaged goods, do you?”

Rodney could hear John’s voice in his head.  Keep him talking, buddy.  Don’t let him get any more hits in than he has to.  Fight…

But he couldn’t.  There wasn’t a part of his body that didn’t hurt, and each breath he drew in made his lungs feel like they were being filled with acid.

“Makes no difference to me,” Tarin said, giving McKay a shrug.  “You’ll still fetch a pretty penny from the bidders.”  He raised his foot and began kicking the physicist’s legs.

___________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the team had been tracking their errant geek for close to half an hour.  The trail had been harder to follow for the last few minutes, almost vanishing completely at one point.

“Perhaps Rodney’s kidnapper has realised,” Teyla said softly.

John nodded.  “Yeah, I expect so,” he replied.  “McKay’s not really one for subtle, is he?”

The Athosian gave him a small smile.  “I believe that the expression is ‘the day he acts that way, hell will freeze over’?”

Before John could say anything else, they heard a yell come from further in the woods.

They set off at a run, weapons drawn.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­___________________________________________________________________________

“Get up.”

Rodney shook his head.  Even if he wanted to, he knew that he couldn’t.  He’d been hit so many times that he wasn’t even sure which way was up or down.  He could feel the blood trickling from his nose, his ear, his mouth, and knew that he was a dead man.

When he’d asked again why he was being beaten, Tarin had told him that he didn’t have to be alive in order to get payment.  The man had then decided to beat him with a tree branch.

Rodney had stopped asking questions after that.

Everything was blurred, unfocused by the mental fog that swirled around his head.  Strong arms grabbed his neck and shoulders, and he found himself being lugged along the ground like a child’s toy. 

When a hand pulled him up to his feet, he had no reserves left to fight.  He closed his eyes, dropping his head in defeat and waited for the death blow to come.

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 4: Rescue

Sheppard and Dex burst through the trees like people possessed, guns drawn and ready to take any threats down and out permanently.

What they saw made their blood run cold.

Tarin was holding Rodney in front of him, using the scientist as a human shield.  It was clear that he had heard them coming – which, unknown to either man, had saved the Canadian’s life.  An evil looking dagger was hovering near his stomach.

The physicist looked like he'd had seven shades of crap beaten out of him.  His left hand was so badly swollen that John could tell that there were at least a couple of broken bones in there, and both of Rodney's eyes were every shade possible between black and blue. 

Sheppard had to bite back a wince at the ragged breaths.  God only knew what had been done to him.

When he looked more closely, John could see faint bruising around Tarin's face and a bloodied nose.  McKay had obviously fought back and a burst of pride rushed though the Air Force man. 

"Let him go, friend," Ronon called. 

"And lose my profits?" the man called back.  "I think not, friend.  You see, Dr McKay has something that will make me a very rich man.  You would have done, Colonel Sheppard, but you had to spoil everything by running."  Tarin gave them a twisted grin.  "I admit that if I had had both of you, I would not have had to resort to such thuggery."

"You've got about ten seconds before I blow your Goddamn head off!" John snarled, clicking off the safety on his P-90.  He didn't like the way Rodney was listing to the side, nor the fact that the Canadian hadn't even noticed their arrival.  “Let him go right now!”

"Am I meant to be in fear for my life?" Tarin taunted.  "There are thirty of my men not far from here, each of them prepared to take whatever steps necessary to ensure that they get paid.  Kill me and I can assure you that none of you will live to see the next sunset."

“Are you sure about that?” asked Sheppard, tilting his head to the side.  “Wanna place money on it?  I should warn you that you might lose.”

“And are you certain that I will not simply kill your friend out of spite?”

The Colonel let out an angry hiss.  This standoff was going nowhere fast and he had to end it before the man did something stupid.

“Look, how about you let him go and we’ll leave you in peace?”

Tarin simply laughed.  “In pieces would probably be more accurate, Colonel,” he replied.  “I am not a fool, nor am I stupid.  The moment I let go, you will kill me.”

“What if we promised that we wouldn’t?  Scouts Honour and all that?”

Tarin tugged Rodney’s head back and wrapped his free hand around it.  Ronon let out an angry growl and took a step forward, intending to pull McKay away and break the man's neck, but the knife moved quickly. 

Rodney let out a wet sounding cry, his eyes rolling back in his head and John could see that Tarin had stabbed the physicist in the side.

"You asshole!" he hissed.

"Lower your weapons."

"Don’t even think aboutscrewing with me..."

"I do not lie, Colonel.  Lower your weapons or the next time I use this knife it will be to slit his throat."

John looked at Tarin, his hazel eyes filled with hate.  "I'll kill you.  D'you hear me, you son of a bitch?  You touch him again and I'll make you pay," he growled. 

"You really want to sacrifice his life to take mine?" the man sneered.  "If that is true then you are not the man people speak of."

Sheppard gave him a mirthless grin.  "And you're just as stupid as I thought," he replied. 

Tarin let out an angry growl, all too ready to make good on his threats.  Then he heard a click of a gun from behind him.  Frowning, he turned his head to the side and saw

Teyla stood next to him, her P-90 aimed at the base of his skull.

"You would be best advised to release Dr McKay," she said sweetly, raising an eyebrow.  "After all, we would not want to dirty the grass with any more blood, would we?"

Sheppard had to fight back the laughter at that - the Athosian had been spending too much time with Ronon and Lorne watching old Westerns.  Silently, but glowering for all his worth, Tarin complied.

Unfortunately, he was too quick, even for Teyla, and plunged the knife into Rodney's lower back before pushing him to the ground.  He dived away from the Athosian's fist and rolled to his feet, ready to run.

He didn't get very far.

Gunfire and the whine of Ronon's blaster filled the otherwise silent air and Tarin was dead before he hit the ground.

Nudging the corpse with a boot, John checked that the man was no longer a threat before turning his attention to Rodney.

"How is he?" he asked, watching as Teyla gently turned the Canadian onto his side.

"He needs a doctor," she replied.  "And quickly.  He appears to have been beaten badly."

Ronon made to tug out the knife but found a hand clamped around his wrist.

“That would be unwise,” Teyla told him.

“She’s right, big guy,” John added.  “Right now, that thing’s all that’s stopping Rodney from bleeding out.”

The ex runner grimaced sheepishly.  “How bad is it?”

“Very,” the Athosian said.  “The knife has gone in deeply.  We must decide what to do and quickly.”

Sheppard cursed under his breath as he took in the myriad of contusions and lacerations covering his friend's body.  And all the blood...  "Ronon, how far are we from the Gate?"

"Too far," the ex runner muttered, scanning the undergrowth.  "We can carry him a little way."

"Bad idea," John said.  "I'm no expert but I don't think we should move him.  Not without Beckett."  He chewed his lip as he thought then nodded to himself.  "Okay, here's the plan.  You guys make a run for the Gate and I'll stay here with Rodney.  Tell Elizabeth that we need a Jumper, SGA-3 and 6, and a medical rescue team.  And make sure that all of the doctors are armed."

"You gonna be okay, Sheppard?" the Satedan asked as he made to leave with Teyla.  "There could be more of them."

"That's why I'm staying," John answered.  I'm not gonna let the bastards get him again...  "How many did you get, anyways?"

Ronon gave him a wild grin.  "Seventeen."

"It was more along the lines of fifteen," Teyla scolded gently.  "And you forget that I managed to dispatch twelve."

God, I love my team, John thought to himself.  "Twenty seven between you two, huh?  Not bad."  He started to pull out the emergency medical supplies from his vest.  "Go on, get out of here."

"We will return soon," the Athosian promised.

"Take care of the little man," Ronon told him and then the two aliens were swallowed up by the woods.

 Sheppard turned his attention to McKay and let out a sigh.  "Well then, buddy, looks like it's just you and me."

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 5: Broken and Abused

John did the best he could to patch up his team-mate with the scant supplies he had.  He’d found Rodney’s vest not far from Tarin, but anything of use had been taken or discarded – and the Air Force man had no intention of leaving Rodney to go on a scavenger hunt. 

Instead, the Colonel bandaged the worst of the physicist’s cuts before turning his attention to the knife that was still protruding from McKay’s back.  Teyla hadn’t been kidding when she said it was in deep – only the hilt was visible.  John dreaded to think about the internal damage it could have caused so he shoved the thought away, knowing that a full blown freak out wasn’t an option.

Not until Rodney was in Beckett’s clutches anyway.

Grabbing the few field dressings he had left, Sheppard wrapped them around the hilt of the weapon and Rodney’s abdomen, pulling them as tightly as he dared.  Satisfied that they were secure, he then applied antiseptic ointment to the lacerations that were left open.  He knew that it wouldn’t be enough, but finished the task regardless.

Once he had done that, John looked around.  They were in an open patch – a kind of clearing similar to the one that the Gate was situated in – meaning that they were as good as sitting ducks.  He was wracking his brains trying to find a solution when he spotted a large tree not far from them.  The base of the trunk was almost hollowed out and would be an ideal hiding place while they waited for the rescue teams.

The only problem was that to get them over there, he’d have to move Rodney.

Knowing that there wasn’t any other alternative, he gritted his teeth and dragged McKay along the ground.  He angled Rodney’s upper body upwards so that the knife wouldn’t be jostled too much.

“Sorry ‘bout this, McKay,” he muttered.

After two minutes that felt like decades, they reached the tree.  John unclipped his P-90 and placed it near the entrance to the hollow then tugged out his 9 mil.  The smaller gun went next to the rifle, both within easy reach if anyone other than Atlantis personnel came calling. 

John then sat down with his back against the tree trunk and pulled Rodney up to his chest, making sure that the man was lying on his side.  To prevent his legs from cramping, he wiggled them out from underneath McKay and let them stretch out on either side of the Canadian.

“I’m not being fresh, Rodney,” he whispered to the unconscious man.  “Just wanna get both of us comfortable…”

A bit of shifting and sliding later, and Sheppard finally had McKay positioned.  He’d managed to prop Rodney’s head against his chest, hoping that it would help his increasingly laboured breathing. 

Letting out a sigh, he tapped his earpiece.  “Teyla?  Ronon?  How you guys doing?”

“We have met no resistance so far, John,” the Athosian replied.  Sheppard could tell from her heavier than normal breathing that the pair of them had been running hard.  “It is possible that Tarin was exaggerating about the numbers of his men.”

“That may be the case, but don’t get too complacent,” the pilot warned them.  “Generally, the bad guys lie.”

There was a bark of laughter before Ronon spoke.  “You worry too much, Sheppard.”

“It’s my job to worry.”

“How’s McKay?”

John grimaced at the worried undertone in the ex runner’s voice.  For the last couple of months, Ronon had been especially protective towards the abrasive scientist – mainly because of how the pilot had ignored him.  John had spent as little time around Rodney as was humanly possible, mostly because he was still angry about Doranda.  It had lessened to an extent, but Sheppard knew that just because neither of them spoke about the incident anymore, it didn’t mean that the bad blood had vanished completely.

After all, it wasn’t every day that your best friend destroyed three quarters of a solar system and nearly took you and him along for the ride.

He was starting to regret that now.  It had become almost second nature to throw a put-down into a conversation, or to either ignore or belittle McKay whenever the mood took him.  The real icing on the cake, however, was that the majority of the time, there was no good reason other than that it made him feel childishly satisfied to see the hurt look on the scientist’s face. 

Deep down, John knew that he hadn’t been fair.  Every time he made a nasty comment or let his anger get the better of him, he heard that little voice in his head – the one that kept telling him that McKay had made an honest mistake.  That even geniuses were human.  That he was being a complete and utter bastard… Rodney had worked damn hard the last couple of months to regain people’s trust, and all Sheppard had done was throw it back in his face.

He really was a jerk…

“Sheppard?”

The Colonel realised that he hadn’t answered the question and coughed embarrassedly.  “Uh, sorry, big guy.  He’s as comfortable as I can make him, but I don’t know how long he can hold on.”

“Understood.  We’ll radio when we reach the Gate.”

“Okay.  Just… be careful, yeah?  As much as I want you to hurry, I don’t need either of you injured.”

“We understand, John,” Teyla told him.  “Do not worry.  We will be back with help soon.”

“Sheppard out.”  He switched off the mic and looked back down at Rodney.

What he hadn’t told his team-mates was that he was more than a little worried about McKay.  The man hadn’t stirred once during either John’s ministrations or the move to the tree and that fact scared Sheppard more than he would ever admit.  It always felt wrong to see Rodney so still.  The man was always moving, always full of energy.

It just wasn’t natural for him to be like this.

God, everything about this mission was FUBAR.  John leant his head back against the tree, trying to regain his composure when a soft moan grabbed his attention.  It was so quiet that even his military trained ears only just caught the sound.

“McKay?”

Blue eyes cracked open and stared up at him blearily, unfocused and dilated pupils not tracking properly.  “Won’t… won’t tell,” he croaked.  “Not gonna tell…  Won’t let… you sell me…”

“Hey, Answer Man, take it easy,” John cooed.  “It’s me, Sheppard.”

“John?” Rodney slurred.  “Is’at you?”

“Yeah, Rodney, it’s me,” Sheppard replied, rubbing hisfriend’s arm gently.  “It’s just me.  You’re safe now.”

“Where… where is he?”

“Gone,” the Colonel said firmly.  “Gone and never coming back.”  We made sure of that…

“Pr’mise?”

“Promise.”  John’s gut tightened at the child-like begging.

“Good.”  Rodney’s eyes slid closed before he blinked them open again, looking concerned.  “You’re hurt.”  He tried to reach up to John’s head, but whimpered in pain as the movement aggravated his wounds and pulled on the knife.  “Hit your head…”

John couldn’t help the grin on hisface at that.  “Nah, I’m good, buddy,” he said, catching McKay’s hand in his own.  “Takes more than a rock to slow me down.”

“Found me,” McKay mumbled, his head drooping.  “Didn’t think… you’d come.”  He swallowed, coughing a little.  “Not after…”

Not after Doranda.  Not after the way John had treated him.  Not after that stupid ‘trust’ comment…

Sheppard felt physically sick.

What had he done?

“Back hurts,” Rodney moaned, pulling John away from hisinternal ranting. 

“You’ve gotta keep really still for me, Rodney,” he replied, not mentioning the knife.  The last thing he wanted was for McKay to panic.  “You took a fair old beating and I don’t want you messing up my handy work, okay?”

“’Kay…”

“Good man.”  He smiled down at his team-mate, tilting his head a little.  “You did good, Rodney,” he said.  “You gave that son of a bitch a taste of his own medicine.”

“No,” McKay replied.  “He…  He wouldn’t s-stop hitting me.  I asked… asked him why but all… he did was hit me s’more.”  He trembled under John’s fingers.  “Tried to fight back… but I… I couldn’t after a while.  He hit me with a branch…”

Rage coursed through Sheppard’s veins.  “Bastard,” he hissed, wishing that he could have killed Tarin slowly, or taken him apart piece by piece.

“’M so tired,” Rodney whispered, his head lolling on John’s chest. 

“No, no, no, buddy!” the Colonel snapped, feeling panicky.  “C’mon, you need to stay with me here.”

“’S hard…”

“I know it is, but I need you to try for a little longer, okay?  Just keep talking to me.”

Rodney drew in a shuddering breath, making John wince at how wet it sounded.  “Wanna go sleep,” he protested, closing his eyes.

“McKay!” Sheppard barked.  “Open your damn eyes!”

The tone and heat of his voice startled McKay, who jerked before letting out an agonised moan.

“Shit!  I’m sorry, Rodney,” John said, trying to hold the Canadian still. 

“No… you’re not,” McKay shot back weakly, clawing at the roots of the tree with his hand. 

The words cut through John like a hot knife through butter.  All of the guilt he’d been feeling returned with a vengeance and he swallowed hard.  “I’ve really fucked this up, haven’t I?” he asked, giving a mirthless, self depreciating laugh.  “You’re lying here in a battered heap and all I can do is cause you even more pain.”

“No… didn’t mean… joking,” Rodney gasped, shuddering as the last of the spasms eased off.  He caught hold of John’s arm, not quite having enough strength to make his fingers grip properly.  “’M glad you’re here.”

John looked away before returning his gaze to his friend.  “Me too.”

Rodney gave him a brave grin as the blackness caught up with him again.

___________________________________________________________________________

 

Chapter 6: Delirium

Two hours had passed since Teyla and Ronon had left, and John was starting to feel decidedly anxious.  He’d not heard a peep from either of them and had been praying ferverently to every single deity he could think of that they were okay.  He wasn’t sure if there were any more men hiding in the woods – there had been a close encounter with an alien version of a racoon, but that was as far as it went.

Rodney hadn’t woken up once and had started to run a worryingly high fever.  John could do nothing for him other than keep a cold, wet cloth on the physicist’s forehead – he didn’t have any more medicine, having used the last of it a while ago.

Unfortunately, with the fever had come delirium.

McKay had started babbling to himself to begin with, and John hadn’t been able to make much out.  However, as his temperature had rocketed, Rodney’s words had become more audible… and the Air Force man quickly decided that he didn’t like what he was hearing.

To begin with, the Canadian had been begging someone to stop hitting him.  John had assumed that his friend had been referring to Tarin, but then he’d caught the word ‘dad’…

Sheppard had tightened his grip on McKay at that point, making a mental note to beat the living shit out of McKay senior the next time he was back on Earth.  He’d always wondered about Rodney’s past and had been convinced that he’d had abusive parents, but actually hearing about it was like a kick in the gut.  When Rodney had started whimpering quietly and mumbling incoherently about a belt, the Colonel had leant down and whispered to him, trying to help him fight off the demons plaguing him.

It had worked for a little while, but then Rodney had said “Teal’c.”

John knew exactly what that was all about.  He’d read the mission report of when the Jaffa had become trapped in the Gate’s buffer.  At first, he’d had a hard time – the McKay that O’Neill and Carter spoke of was a completely different man to the one that he’d known and worked with for the last year and a half.  But, he reasoned, people changed.  Luckily, Rodney’s transformation had been for the better.

Again, he had muttered words of encouragement and support, easing the scientist away from the recrimination.

There had been other events mentioned, ones that John wanted to forget himself – the storm and Kolya, the ill-fated raid on the downed Wraith ship that had ended the lives of Gaul and Abrams…

And now, it appeared that the latest topic was Arcturus.

“...shouldn’t have bullied John,” Rodney was mumbling.  “Shouldn’t have used him like that…”

“Hey, Rodney, you didn’t do anything wrong,” John said quietly, not sure how much was getting through to him.  “I was the one who said yes.”

“Nearly killed him,” McKay choked out, tears falling from the corners of his closed eyes.  “Nearly killed my best f-friend…”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I was so stupid… thought I could fix it… thought I was better than the Ancients…”  He let out a small sob, his head twisting restlessly on John’s chest.  “Shouldn’t have yelled at Radek… didn’t deserve that.  Shouldn’t have blackmailed…”

“C’mon, McKay,” John sighed.  “Enough now.”

“Nearly died…  Would’ve died if Sheppard hadn’t stopped me…”  There was another sob, followed by a gasp of pain.  “Fucked up so much…  Now John h-hates me…  ‘S my fault, though.  He’s got… every right to… treat me like he has… don’t deserve friends…”

John’s mouth opened in shock.  What the hell have I done?  He’d been so concerned with venting his anger on Rodney that he’d missed all of the warning signs.  McKay sounded close to a full meltdown and John had provided him with all the ammunition he needed.

“Everyone… everyone hates me…  I failed…”

“No,” Sheppard hissed.  “No, buddy, you didn’t.  I did.”

“I fail everyone… couldn’t even play the piano… properly without… screwing it up…”  His eyes cracked open, glassy and wild.  “Can’t even play… a fucking piano,” he hissed, not seeing anything as he looked around.  “’M no good to anyone…”

“Rodney, I don’t know if you’re hearing me or not, but I’m gonna try,” John said, resting his hand on the back of McKay’s neck.  “You are not a screw up.  You’re meant to be my friend and I’ve treated you really badly.”  He looked down at his team-mate, amazed to see that the man was actually looking back at him.  “You made a mistake.  Okay, it was pretty colossal on the damage factor, but when you’re the smartest man in two galaxies, I guess your mistakes are allowed to be explosive.”

“Sheppard?” McKay croaked.

“McKay?”  John squeezed the Canadian’s neck.  “You back with me?”

“Don’t… don’t feel very well,” Rodney mumbled, his already pale face blanching even further.

“I know, but you’ve gotta hold on a little longer for me.”

“John?”

The voice over the radio made the Colonel jump.  “Teyla?”

“We are at the Gate.  Major Lorne wanted me to inform you that we will be with you in approximately fifteen minutes.”

John felt like crying with relief.  “Great job,” he replied.  “Where’s Ronon?”

There was a slight pause.  “He is busy.”

“Busy doing what?”

“Taking out threats,” the Satedan growled.  “Someone’s gotta do it if you’re gonna sit on your ass.”

Sheppard chuckled.  “Like I told you, I’m naturally lazy.”

“John, how is Rodney?” Teyla asked.

“Not good,” John muttered as he bent down.  “McKay?”  There was no response.  He gingerly felt the man’s neck and cursed when he couldn’t find a pulse.  “Fuck!  McKay, don’t you dare do this!”

“Sheppard?”

“Gotta go, Rodney’s not breathing,” the Colonel snapped.  “Get that rescue team here now!”

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 7: A Guilty Conscience

John staggered through the Gate, staring at the floor.  His head was spinning, trying to make sense of what had happened in the last thirty minutes or so.  He felt a pair of hands pulling him towards the infirmary, but shook them off angrily.

He didn’t want to go there.

He didn’t want to face the truth – that hisfuck up had quite possibly killed McKay.

“John,” Teyla called.  “You really ought to be seen by a doctor.”

“Not now,” he growled, the venom in his tone making the Athosian take a step back.  “Gotta go see Elizabeth…”

He left the two upright members of his team standing shell shocked as he took the stairs three at a time.  He pushed past Chuck, the Canadian Gate technician, practically sending the smaller man flying as he barged into Weir’s office.

“John?” the expedition leader called as a mud and blood spattered apparition with non-military regulation hair thumped down into the seat opposite her.

“’Lizabeth,” he greeted, not looking up.

“Carson tells me that Rodney’s very ill but stable,” she tried.

“Good.”

John really wanted to say more, to explain what had happened, but his mouth rebelled.  Instead, he found himself back on M4R-390, watching in horror as Carson forced a tube down Rodney’s throat.

“We’re going to have to intubate…”

Sheppard had breathed for McKay for close to ten minutes before the Jumper had arrived.  Thankfully, his heart hadn’t stopped – John had just been too panicked to feel it the first time.  The Scotsman had whirled into action with a speed that the Colonel hadn’t seen often, barking out orders and curses in a mixture of English and Gaelic. 

John had seen everything, observing each procedure with a kind of clinical detachment.

It was his personal version of an Ancient failsafe.  If he refused to acknowledge that it was Rodney lying there, he could keep a lid on the conflicting emotions running through him.

“John, I want you to go and get checked out,” he heard Elizabeth tell him.

“No,” he mumbled, sinking further into his chair.  “Don’t wanna go there.  Don’t wanna see…”

He didn’t want to find McKay lying lifeless on an operating table. 

He must have zoned out for a few seconds because he blinked and saw the dark haired woman crouching next to him, a hand on his arm.  “John, you’re in shock,” she said, her green eyes fearful.  “We need to get you seen by a medic, okay?”

John nodded and allowed himself to be manhandled out of the chair and down the stairs.  As they reached the bottom, Ronon walked over and took hold of him.

“I got him, Dr Weir,” the big man rumbled as they set off down the corridor.

___________________________________________________________________________

“Colonel.”

Sheppard looked up from his cot to see Carson standing next to him, holding a clean uniform.

“Doc.”

Beckett sighed, running a hand through his hair.  “You can get changed if you’d like,” he said, laying the clothing on the edge of the bed.  “Your concussion’s not that bad so once you’re dressed, you’re to go and get some food into your system.”

John glanced to the side, nodding.  “Is… is Rodney okay?”

“I’ll not lie to you, son,” Carson replied, making something inside the pilot tense up.  “He’s none too clever at the moment.  That bloody knife did a lot of damage.”

“How much?” Sheppard asked, dreading the potential answer.

“Almost too much, but we got to him in time.”  The physician gave his friend a gentle smile, trying to reassure the American.  “He was bleeding internally, very shocky and punctured a lung.  He was pretty close to bleeding out completely but the transfusions will soon sort that out.  He also has an infection – we found traces of wood in a couple of his wounds, so I’ve no doubt that it came from whatever it was that he was hit with.”

John closed his eyes, thinking back to McKay’s words.

“He hit me with a branch…”

Normally, Sheppard felt remorse at taking another person’s life, even in the heat of battle, but not this time.  This time, he was glad that the asshole was dead.  The only regret he had was that he’d not done more damage to Tarin before the kill shot.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he opened his eyes again.

“He’s a tough one, our Rodney,” the Scotsman said.  “He’ll not give up without a fight.”

“I…  It was my fault,” John replied, looking as though he’d kicked a puppy.  “Christ, I’ve been such a rat bastard to him the last couple of months.”

“Enough of that,” Beckett scolded.  “This is not the way Rodney would want you to be and we both know it.”  His face softened as he took in the sheer despair and guilt etched into John’s features and sat down next to him.  “Rodney McKay has never been one to make life easy, whether it’s his own or ours.  I know that things have nae been right with the two of you since that damnable fiasco over the weapon.”

“I’ve been a shit is what you’re trying to say.”

“No.  Well, perhaps you could’ve handled the situation better, but what’s done is done.  You can’t change the past, lad, no matter how much you want to.  We’re all to blame for this, not just you.”  He grimaced, looking uneasy.  “It was much too easy for us to yell at Rodney and treat him with contempt.  We’ve spent so much time being angry at him that we haven’t noticed all the things he’s been doing for us.”

John nodded, knowing that Carson was referring to the fix-it jobs that McKay had completed around the city.  He could be seen most nights tinkering with various controls, trying to make life easier for the rest of the expedition at the cost of his own health.  Now, the hot water actually stayed hot, the Jumpers had training programmes loaded into their systems for the new pilots, the cooks had hotplates that worked…  The list was endless.  Taken individually, each was tiny, barely noticeable, but when you added everything up it became almost staggering.  Especially because it was all down to McKay, the man who was on nearly everybody’s official shit list.

All that work and not one person had even bothered to thank the Canadian…

“What now?” Sheppard asked.

“We fix it.”

“How?”

Carson sighed again, standing up.  “You want my professional opinion?”

John shook his head.  “No, doc, I’m asking you as a friend.”

Beckett gave him a warm smile.  “Then as a friend, I’d say that you need to get off this wee guilt trip you’re on and talk to the man.  Be honest with him.  I’m not saying it won’t be painless for either of you, but once you’ve gotten past that then you’ll have something to work from.”

“That’s if he wakes up,” John mumbled sorrowfully.

“He’ll wake, Colonel,” Carson assured him.  “Besides, they say that a person’s hearing is the first thing to come back to them.  You talk and I can almost guarantee that he’ll listen.”

“You bet,” Sheppard replied, pasting on a cheeky grin that he didn’t feel and Beckett wasn’t convinced by.

“Now, go and get something hot into you.  You’re not to come back for at least an hour, you hear?”

“Yeah, doc,” John said as he got out of the bed and picked up his new uniform.  “I hear you.”  He made to move towards the infirmary shower but stopped, turning back to the Scotsman.  He pulled the man into a brief, fierce hug then released him, looking uncomfortable.  “Thanks, Carson.”

“Anytime, son.  You know I’m always here if you need me.”

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 8: For the Love of Jello

Exactly 59 minutes and 30 seconds later, Sheppard walked back into the infirmary and rapped on the door to Carson’s office.

“Hey, doc.”

Beckett swivelled round in his chair and raised an eyebrow, not at all surprised by the Colonel’s re-appearance.  “I suppose that you’ll be wanting to sit with the lad?” he asked.

John nodded, giving the doctor a sheepish smile.  “Guess I must be getting predictable in my old age, huh?”

“Let’s just say that I know you far too well, son.”  He stood up, stretching as he went, and motioned for the pilot to follow him into the ICU.

Sheppard sucked in an audible breath when he saw McKay. 

There were wires attached to various parts of his body, and a gentle beeping meant that he was on a heart monitor.  An IV line full of fluids was taped securely to one hand, while the other held blood.  John watched in morbid fascination as the drops worked their way into Rodney’s body, unconsciously timing his breathing with the whoosh hiss of the ventilator that was pushing air into Rodney’s lungs. 

“Steady, son,” Carson said, placing a hand on the pilot’s shoulder.

“He’s a mess,” John croaked.  His gaze flitted to the massive wad of bandages that covered the scientist’s upper torso and the bruising that was beginning to show on his neck, chest and face.  His hands clenched into fists as the full extent of the damage was highlighted by the bright lights of the room, and John was once again glad that Tarin was dead.

“He looks a lot worse than he is,” Beckett replied, moving to look at the chart at the end of the bed.  “I do have some good news though.  The knife wound to Rodney’s back missed his spinal column and only nicked his lung.  The vent is only there to help him heal and he should be strong enough to have it removed in about a week.”

“That comes under the good news?” John asked incredulously.

“Aye, Colonel.  Believe me, if the angle had been a few degrees sharper, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.  Not here, at least.”

“Can… can I sit with him?”

“Of course you can.”  Carson motioned to the chair next to the cot.  “On one condition.”

“Sure thing, doc,” John replied eagerly as he took a seat next to his geek.

“Don’t forget our conversation.  You two need to sort this out once Rodney’s well enough.”

“I won’t, Carson, I promise.”  John looked back at the Canadian, his throat tight.  “I want us to be back to normal.”

“Good.”  Beckett gave his friend a warm smile and a quick pat to the back.  “Any problems, you just holler for me.”

“Gotcha.”

The Scotsman nodded and wandered back to his office.

___________________________________________________________________________

The next couple of days went by in a blur of infirmary visits and hastily grabbed meals.  Elizabeth and Lorne had cleared John’s schedule so that the Military Commander could spend as much time as he needed in his vigil at Rodney’s bedside and Sheppard made a mental note to thank them properly once things were back to normal.

Despite what he’d told Carson, John was finding it virtually impossible to talk to McKay.  Every time he thought he had it figured out and opened his mouth to speak, the words dried on his lips.  Instead, he sat in silence, occasionally grabbing hold of Rodney’s hand or arm, trying to instil a kind of physical support.

That all changed on day four.

Sheppard wandered into the ICU, ready to spend another eight hours or so of silence at McKay’s side only to find Ronon there.  He stopped by a pillar, getting ready to call out a greeting to his team-mate when he heard the Satedan talking in an uncharacteristically quiet and gentle voice.

“You really gotta wake up, McKay,” the ex runner was saying.  “It’s just not the same without you around here.  It’s too quiet and that worries me.”  He gave a sigh, fidgeting uncomfortably for a moment before taking hold of Rodney’s hand.  “And this thing with Sheppard is driving us all nuts.  Personally, I’m tempted to lock you both in the gym and let you beat it out of each other, but Teyla doesn’t agree.  Maybe she’s right.”

He paused for a moment, looking across at the machinery attached the scientist and shook his head before continuing, “If you won’t do it for us, then do it for Sheppard.  He’s not been the same since you’ve been in here.  The man’s been acting like a guilty kid.  He’s blaming himself for this, for you, and that’s just not right.”

Ronon leant in close and John had to strain to hear the next part of the big man’s speech.

“You do what you do best, McKay.  Be stubborn and fight.  You need to pull through this because if you don’t…  Well, let’s just say that it’ll probably kill Sheppard too.”  He straightened up again and stood.  “C’mon, little man.  Prove the doc wrong.”

John realised that he was on the verge of being discovered, so he slipped back around the corner.  Trying to appear natural, he walked back towards the two men.  “Oh, hey, Ronon,” he called, shoving his hands into his pockets.  “How’s he doin’ today?”

He was pretty sure that the ex runner wasn’t fooled for a second by his little show, but the Satedan didn’t call him on it.

“About the same as yesterday,” he replied.  “Doc says the tube can come out the day after tomorrow.”

“That’s good,” John agreed.  “I, uh, I was just gonna sit with him for a while.  You’re welcome to stay if you want.”

Ronon shook his head.  “I’m done,” he said.  “Gonna go raid the mess.  Want anything?”

“No thanks, big guy.”

“Teyla said she’d be here later,” the Satedan grunted as he made his way out. 

Once the room was empty, John slunk into the vacated chair.  He let out a long sigh before deciding to bite the bullet.

“Hey, Answer Man,” he greeted.  “How you doing today?  I gotta tell you, it sure is peaceful not hearing your dulcet tones ringing in the hallways.” 

He growled angrily at himself, shaking his head.  “What I’m trying to say…  Look, you know as well as I do that I suck at this kind of thing.  So I’ll cut to the chase.  I was wrong.  You were wrong.  We both made an error of judgement and it all but destroyed our friendship.  Personally, I think what we had was way better than how things are at the moment, so I’ll make you a deal.  You wake up and I’ll brush Doranda under the carpet.  We can start afresh, okay?”

He closed his eyes for a moment while he thought.  “I’m not sayin’ that it’ll be easy or that I won’t tease you from time to time, but I really think we can do this.”  He reached down and grasped McKay’s hand.  “I need you, Rodney,” he whispered, smoothing a strand of hair away from the physicist’s face.  “You’re… you’re my best friend, you know?  I can’t do this without you.  You’re the only one who keeps me sane in this screwed up galaxy.  No one else has the gall to fight with me like you do, not even the big guy.  So get with the programme and be the pain in the ass we all know and love.  You hear me?”

John sat back and got himself resettled in his chair.  “C’mon, buddy,” he urged.  “Just wake up.”

___________________________________________________________________________

Six days later, and much to everyone’s relief, the ventilator was finally removed – Rodney hadn’t regained consciousness, but had shown signs of being able to breathe on his own.  And according to Carson, that was a good thing. 

The Canadian had shown no signs of awareness to his surroundings, but Beckett had assured them that it would only be a matter of time.  The infection had been successfully beaten and all that was left was for the cuts and bruises to heal. 

John, Teyla, Ronon, Radek, Lorne and Elizabeth had taken it upon themselves to watch over their colleague, and had even devised a kind of unofficial rota so that at least two people were always with McKay.  It also meant that they could get some sleep.  Granted, Carson had told them to get the aforementioned rest in their quarters, but as far as they were concerned, the Scotsman was always saying things like that.

It didn’t mean that they were going to pay any attention to him.

Sheppard awoke from a light doze to see both Teyla and Ronon sat next to the Canadian’s bed.  They hadn’t been there when he’d fallen asleep, meaning that it was the end of his ‘shift’. 

“Elizabeth and Lorne have just left,” Teyla explained as John stared at blue jello that had appeared on the nightstand. 

“He’s not gonna be well enough to eat it, even if he does wake up today,” Ronon growled.  He was eyeing the pudding cup with growing interest.  Judging on the eye roll that Teyla gave the ex runner, this was an argument that had been going on for several minutes.

“Shame on you,” John quipped as he stretched.  “Stealing jello from a sick man.  Your mother would be ashamed.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” Ronon shot back, a feral grin forming on his face.  “She was the one who taught me how to do it.”

John’s forehead creased in confusion and he shook his head.  “Right.  So, uh, how’s Canada’s answer to Einstein doing today?”

“He’s looking a damn sight healthier than you, son,” came a familiar Scottish brogue.  “I thought I told you to get some sleep?”

“I did,” John protested.  “I had a good couple of hours, just like you told me to.”

Carson glowered at him.  “I meant in a bed, not that bloody chair!” he snapped.  “You’re worse than a wee bairn.”

The pilot treated the physician to one of his very best charming smiles.  “I’m fine, doc.”

Carson raised an eyebrow, obviously unconvinced, but decided against forcibly removing Sheppard.  The man would only be back in a matter of hours and the threats of large needles being applied to delicate parts of his anatomy no longer held any fear over him.  “One of these days, you’re going to be the death of me,” he grumbled.

“Hey, I’m needed here,” John protested.  “If I go, then who’s gonna stop Ronon from eating McKay’s jello?”

“I am perfectly capable of guarding Rodney’s pudding,” Teyla replied, with a pointed glare at the Satedan. 

John couldn’t help but chuckle as he saw the big man flinch ever so slightly.  Teyla was a demon with those fighting sticks of hers – and he had the bruises to prove it.

“Mad, the lot of you,” Carson said, shaking his head. 

“Seriously, it’s not gonna keep,” Ronon moaned.  “By the time McKay wakes up it’ll be old and mouldy.  I’m doing him a favour.”

“By eating his jello?” asked John, quirking up an eyebrow.  “I gotta admit, big guy, that you’re a braver man than me.  No one gets between Rodney and blue jello and survives.”

“I don’t care.  I’m hungry.” 

“Touch my… jello and… you’ll be sorry.”

The gang turned to see Rodney staring out at them.  Carson quickly shoved them aside as he reached for his ever present penlight, flashing it in the Canadian’s eyes.  “How are you feeling, son?”

“Stop blinding… me already,” Rodney croaked before muttering darkly about Scottish voodoo practices.

His team-mates were laughing, unable to contain their relief at seeing him awake and talking.

“Do you… mind?  Sick man… here.”

“Welcome back, McKay,” John said, patting his shoulder gently.

“Mmm…  ‘S nice to… be alive…”  Rodney’s eyes closed.

“He’s asleep,” Carson informed them when it became clear that there wasn’t anything else forthcoming from their team-mate.  “He’ll be in and out for a while, but judging from his responses I think he’ll be fine.  We’ll need to run a couple of tests and whatnot to make certain, but…” he broke off grinning, “…something tells me that Rodney will be back to his normal self in no time.’” He then gave each of them a stern look – his patented ‘you’re-bloody-well-going-to-do-whatever-I-tell-you-to-or-else-I’m-fetching-the-needles’ glower – and motioned towards the doors.  “So now you know, go and get some food and some sleep.”

“You’re kicking us out?” John pouted, trying and failing to win Beckett over with his ‘puppy dog’ look.

“Too bloody right I am.  It’s my infirmary after all.  Go on with the lot of you.”  He growled as the trio lingered.  “For the love of all that’s holy, shoo!”

After further cajoling and a few threats, the gang reluctantly headed off to tell Elizabeth and the others the good news.

___________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 9: Acceptance and Understanding

 

Two weeks later, Carson finally relented and released McKay from the infirmary. 

Rodney had healed well, the bruises all but faded and the worst of the cuts hidden under layers of bandages and clothing.  As he had told John, there was no sign of any harm to the man’s spine (which Carson was grateful for) and the internal damage was repaired.  As long as McKay took it easy for the next week or so, the physician was confident that his friend would be back to full duty within a month.  Then again, Rodney McKay and the words ‘taking it easy’ didn’t seem to quite fit in the same sentence.

Much to the scientist’s disgust, Beckett had given him a pair of crutches to use – the kicking he’d received from Tarin had left him with pulled muscles. 

Despite the fact that his physical wounds were healing well, the Scotsman was concerned by Rodney’s distance.  After his initial awakening, McKay had seemed to sink into a deep seated depression.  Then after a while, he all but stopped talking to John, which Carson knew was not a good sign.  He had honestly believed that the two men could finally put the past behind them, but had started to wonder if he was missing a key part of the jigsaw.  Carson was all too aware of how stubborn Rodney could be – a trait that seemed to have rubbed off on John. 

He was beginning to think that he should have taken a page out of Ronon’s book and simply let the pair of them have it out in a good old fashioned fist fight.

The astrophysicist had refused point blank to see Sheppard and got angry when the Colonel tried to talk to him.  Beckett’s request that McKay see Dr Heightmeyer had fallen on deaf ears, and not even Elizabeth could persuade him.

And just as he thought things couldn’t possibly be any more screwed up, Carson had heard some pretty vicious rumours circulating that the great Dr McKay had finally cracked and should be sent back to Earth to a secure hospital.  Those had been squashed almost immediately, by both himself and the others, but Carson knew that people were still talking about it like they were discussing the weather.

And it made him angry.

The Scotsman was in the mess hall, lost in his thoughts.  The rift between Sheppard and McKay was starting to have a detrimental effect on the rest of the expedition as various personnel took sides.  He speared a potato violently, wondering at how childish everything seemed.  All this fuss and nonsense over a bloody machine!  Carson couldn’t understand why people refused to accept that Rodney had made a mistake.

He’d been livid when he’d heard what had happened and had given McKay a fierce lecture, but when he saw the reaction Sheppard had, he pushed the anger away.  He forgave Rodney for almost getting the pair of them killed – and as a result had witnessed first hand the effect that the Colonel’s barbs were having.

As he stared at the food in front of him, he felt someone touch his arm and looked up to see Elizabeth frowning at him.  Giving her a weak smile, he sighed.  “Sorry, love, I was a million miles away.”

She nodded, understanding.  “Rodney?”

“Aye.”

“Carson, I’m worried about him,” she said.  “Any time he sees John, he walks the other way.  He won’t even stay in the same room as him.”  She sighed. “It’s as if…  I don’t know.  It’s like he’s… terrified of him, you know?  Well, maybe not terrified, but…”

Carson looked at Weir sympathetically.  “Aye, lass, I know.”  He sat down opposite her, watching as she picked absently at the tray of food on the table.  “I wish I had the answers but the only people who can sort this out are Rodney and John.”

“Can anyone join in, or is this a private function?”

They looked up and saw John stood next to them.  Elizabeth gave him a tight smile and he sat down next to Carson.  “I saw Rodney about an hour ago,” he said.  “I tried to talk to him, but he just looked at me as if I wasn’t there.  It was like it was all he could do to not run in the opposite direction.”

“We’ve just been discussing that,” said Carson.  “I don’t know what to suggest.  The two of you need to talk but you can’t while he’s playing hide and seek.”

Sheppard took a swig from his water bottle.  “I’ve had enough of this,” he said.

Elizabeth looked up sharply.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean Rodney avoiding me.  Sooner or later, we’re gonna have to settle things, and I, for one, am voting for sooner.” 

“I don’t think a confrontation will do any good,” she replied. “It might just make him withdraw even further or exacerbate the situation.”

“I agree,” said Carson.  “If you back him into a corner, there’s no telling how he might react.”

Sheppard picked up a sandwich.  “I’ve got an idea about that...”

___________________________________________________________________________

Rodney let out a sigh as he sifted uncomfortably on the stool in his lab.  There was no one else around – it was late and he’d sent everyone to bed to get some well deserved rest.  Currently, he was trying hard not to think about what had happened back on the planet.  He knew he’d been babbling: he had fuzzy memories, all of which were embarrassingly painful.

Even worse was the fact that he’d happily blurted everything out to Sheppard.

The man already had enough to hold over his head and now he’d gone and added even more failures and shortcomings to John’s list.  It was just another nail in his coffin really, just one more way that he’d let John down.

He was considering calling it a night when the lab door swished open and a tall, lanky figure walked in.  Rodney groaned internally when he saw that it was none other than Sheppard.  He’d managed to avoid the Colonel for almost a week.

“What do you want, Sheppard?” he asked coolly, stiffening on the stool.

John gave him a confused and slightly hurt look.  “I…  I just wanted to check how you’re doing,” he replied quietly, not making eye contact with his team-mate.

“I’m fine, Colonel,” McKay snapped.  He didn’t need this.  “The Highland sheep botherer wouldn’t have released me otherwise.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sheppard mumbled.

Rodney’s anger flared.  “Why do you care anyway?”

“How can you even ask me that, Rodney?”

“Look, I know I was delirious and I really don’t need a reminder of how much of a screw-up I am.”  He rose to his feet, grabbing his crutches and intending to flee.  “I can’t change what I did in the past, but I’d appreciate it if you’d keep what I said to yourself.”

John was stunned into silence for a moment.  When he found his voice again, his words were hoarse.  “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.  And for your information, I’d never repeat what was said to anyone.  Do you really think I’d stoop that low?”

“Honestly, Colonel, I have no idea.  Maybe not before… but now…  Some of your recent comments have been below the belt.”

John winced, knowing that the Canadian was right.  “I wouldn’t do that, McKay, not to you or anyone else.  You’re my team-mate, not to mention my friend.”

“Friend?  Is that what you’re calling it these days?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you have to ask, you don’t understand.”

The Colonel’s own anger rearedits ugly head.  “Goddammit, McKay!  Quit the cryptic talk and answer the question!”

“Let’s just say that you haven’t exactly been friendly lately,” the scientist replied, being careful to keep his tone neutral.

“Rodney, I…”

McKay shook his head.  “I can understand your position, Sheppard, really.  What I did was unforgivable and I was a fool to think that we could just carry on like normal.”

“No, you’re not…”

“I thought that you just needed time.  I thought that things would get better, maybe even close to how they used to be.  I thought I could earn back your trust, prove to you that your faith in me wasn’t misplaced.”  He swallowed heavily, fighting back all of the emotions that were threatening to break through the surface.  “I thought that… that you’d start treating me like a human being again.”

John stood in appalled silence.  Had he really been so callous?

“You’ve been different lately,” Rodney continued as if reading the Colonel’s mind, “so… cold.  It’s like I don’t know you anymore.  The man you’ve become is so quick to throw out savage jibes whenever the mood takes him…”

Oh my God, John thought, wanting to curl up in shame.  Every word, put-down and snap came back with a vengeance and they made him feel sick. 

“I’m not saying that I haven’t deserved them,” Rodney continued, “but…  I know I acted wrongly, that I let my ego get the better of me.  I’ve worked so hard at fixing this damn mess, at fixing us, that now I…  I don’t think it can be fixed.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Rodney,” John said, his voice hollow.  “I’m so, so sorry.  I’ve been a complete ass hat.”

That caught McKay off guard.  “What?”

The pilot let out a sigh.  “The thing is, buddy, I need to stop blaming you.”  He looked down at the floor with a pained expression.  “I was the one who said yes when you came to me.  I was the one who agreed and twisted Elizabeth’s arm.  I could’ve said no at any point, told you to drop it, but I didn’t.  This is as much my responsibility as it is yours.  I should’ve been able to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?”

“Yourself,” John answered.  “I was angry, at you and at myself.  We nearly died, Rodney!” he snapped, making the Canadian wince and flinch.  He softened his tone and repeated, “We nearly died and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.  It terrified me to see you like that – obsessed to the point of sacrificing yourself for nothing more than a piece of equipment.  And when you tried to apologise, that was all I could see.  It made me want to hit you in the teeth.”

This time it was Rodney who stood in silence, shell shocked by the brutal honesty coming from his team-mate.

“I’ve vented on you since then, made your life hell and I know now that it was wrong.  We all make mistakes, whether we like it or not.  Elizabeth thought the Athosians were spies.  Carson created a drug that wiped out half a population and I woke up the Wraith.  But despite that, you never judged us, never treated us as badly as I’ve treated you.  You’re only human, regardless of what we think you’re capable of, and we forget that far too often.  You have as much right to make mistakes as anyone else.”

“Even if they’re the explosive kind?” Rodney asked with a rueful grin.

“You, uh, you heard that, huh?”

McKay nodded.  “Yeah, amongst other things.  Do… do you think we can get past this then?  Honestly?”

“I do,” Sheppard told him, meaning it with every fibre of his body.  “What do you say we draw a line under this, chalk it up to experience and grab a beer?”  He held out a hand and gave McKay an imploring look.

Rodney studied the offered appendage for a moment, letting out a shaky breath.  Then he grasped John’s hand and shook it, nodding as he did so.

John used the scientist’s grip to pull his friend into a bear hug, smiling a little when Rodney returned the embrace with just as much force.

“Good plan,” McKay said as they separated.  “Just don’t tell Carson or he’ll have kittens.  I’m not really meant to be drinking alcohol yet.”

Sheppard gave him a cheeky grin.  “Who’s gonna tell?  Besides, if he finds out, we’ll just say it was for medicinal purposes.”

McKay gave a chuckle at that and John was pleased to hear the sound.  “Are you really that brave?”

“No,” the pilot replied with a snort of laughter.  “That’s why I’m hoping that he won’t find out.”

The mirth on Rodney’s face died a little.  “Is it really as easy as this, John?” he asked.  “Is it that simple to just move on?”

“Yeah.  If we want it to be.”  He smiled a little.  “I don’t know whether you heard me or not while you were pulling your sleeping beauty impression in the infirmary, but I offered you a deal.”

Rodney nodded.  “I seem to recall something about you wanting me to wake up?”

“Got it in one.  I’m willing to put Arcturus in a box marked ‘never open’ and move on.  I don’t know about you, but I want to start fresh.  If you do too, then it really is as simple as you think it is.”

McKay nodded, resettling his crutches.  “I certainly do.”

“Then the problem’s solved.”  Sheppard snaked his arm across McKay’s shoulders as they set off in search of the beer.  “We good, buddy?”

“Yeah, Hotshot,” Rodney replied, his crutches clicking on the floor.  “We’re good.”

FIN!